Cannibalistic Camping Trip
by The Big Mosh
Summary: The Griffin's wanted to go on their annual camping trip, but Peter turns into a sadistic cannibal after falling into the fire pit.


**Cannibalistic Camping Trip**

"Ahh! What the devil?!" Stewie exclaimed, as Lois snatched away his mind-controlling-ray-gun.

"Come on honey, we need to get ready for the camping trip," she told him. Stewie cursed with anger, as he was meaning to overtake his mother's mind, in his plot to rule the world.

"Damn! Just wait vile woman, when you are my slave, I will make your death slow and painful".

_It seems today, that all you see is violence in movies and sex on TV  
But where are those good ol' fashion values.  
On which we used to rely?  
Lucky there's a Family Guy!  
Lucky there's a man who, positively can do, all the things that make us  
Laugh and cry! He's a Family Guy!_

It was a sunny summer day, in Quahog, Rhode Island. Lois Griffin was packing food for the annual family camping trip.

"Peter, stop trying to sneak beers in the cooler. I've already put some in there," Lois snapped.

"Aw jeez Lois, I'm never gonna last three days without any beer," Peter whined.

"No, Peter, you need to cut back on your alcohol consumption. It's just not healthy," Lois slammed back.

"_Oh I'll show her. I won't drink anymore beer from this point forward. That should get the point across pretty clear to her," _Peter mumbled to himself.

"Well, I am going to finish packing the fishing supplies Lois," Peter said, with an arrogant voice. He made his way over to the shelves in the garage. As he was double checking the tackle boxes he made a remark on the nice weather. Just as he finished readying the tackle, he stepped outside. He raised his arm to scratch his nose, but realized that it wasn't an itch, it was a raindrop. Peter looked up and got a mouthful of rain as it started to downpour.

"Oh, oh, that's just great. Right when we're about to go camping, it starts raining. Jeez," Peter grumped, "Well nothing is going to stop the Griffin's from the annual camping trip, nothing. It must go on." Peter stepped inside, and dried off his clothes.

"Is everybody ready to hit the road?" Peter shouted.

"Well, I don't know whether to wear my Velcro sandals, or my flip flops," Lois said indecisively.

"Why don't you bring… A face full of poisoned blow darts!" Stewie yelled. WHIZ! WHAZ! WHIZ! Unfortunately for Stewie they all hit the cabinet door, right beside Lois's head.

"Damn!" Stewie shouted

"Oh Stewie, put your toys away, we have to get going now," Lois said, "And I'm still trying to figure out what shoes to wear!"

"You know Lois, why don't you wear your Velcro sandals, and bring your flip flops for the beach," Brian added in.

"That's a great idea Brian, thank you," Lois exclaimed.

"One time, when I was at the beach, I peed in the water, and nobody even noticed!" Chris shouted.

"Chris, that's disgusting," Meg groaned.

"Come on everybody, jeez, let's get going. And Brian, stay out of the fridge. Your dog food's in the closet." Peter yelled. The Griffins piled into their red car and drove away to Sunny Shade's Camp Ground in upper Massachusetts, ignoring the cold, hard rain.

Four hours and many grueling arguments later, the Griffin family arrived at Sunny Shades Camp Ground.

"Ah, it's just so refreshing to be out in the wilderness isn't it Peter?" Lois remarked as she stepped out of the car and stretched her cramped body. Peter, however, was occupied with pitching the tents.

"What the hell is wrong with this?!" Peter yelled.

"Um, Dad, the stakes aren't used to nail the tent to the ground. You fasten the ropes from the canvas to them." Meg explained.

"Ohhhh, I see," Peter said, "Well at least it's nice to be out in the wilderness, eh Lois?"

By the time the Griffin's got everything set up, everyone was exhausted from the long day of packing, driving, and unpacking.

"Uh, I'm so tired. I think I'm just going to go to bed. Good night everyone," Lois said.

"You know, that's a good idea. Why don't we all get some rest so we'll all be revived for a good time tomorrow," Brian remarked. Everyone said their goodnights, hopped in their sleeping bags, and soon fell asleep.

Everybody slept like rocks, except for Peter, who tossed and turned all night.

"Must…Drink…Beer," He mumbled, "Partucket…Patriot…Mmmmm"

"Good morning everybody!" Lois shouted, "Wake up you sleepyheads; it's a beautiful day out!"

"I do say woman, maybe if you would change my diaper it would make it more pleasant out here. Chop, chop!" Stewie ordered. Just then, Meg slowly rose from her sleeping bag and came out of the tent.

"Oh gross, what is that smell!" She groaned.

"It's me, that's right. Take a whiff, soak it in you imbecile," Stewie retorted. Lois picked him up and brought him over to the picnic table to change his diaper.

Peter didn't get out of bed until it was almost lunch time. He crawled out of his sleeping bag and could barely stand up.

"Aagghhiiyyiieewwuuzzaa?" He groggily forced out.

"Peter, you look like you've been beat up!" Lois exclaimed.

"I couldn't sleep last night, Lois." Peter announced.

"Aw, you poor thing, come eat some lunch, you could probably use some food in your system." Lois said, trying to comfort him. Peter ate a little, and started to feel a little better. He thought had just caught a little bug, and he didn't realize that he was suffering from beer withdrawal.

The Griffins enjoyed their first day out camping by playing games, swimming, exploring and what not. When the sun began set, they all reported back to the camp site. Peter was still not feeling normal. He gathered firewood, while Lois and Meg started making supper. When Peter gathered a sufficiency of wood, he returned and worked on starting a fire, which didn't go all that well.

"Damn wood! Sheesh, what do you have to do to start a fire these days," Peter exclaimed as he was pouring an overload of gasoline in the fire pit, "That should do it". He lit a match and held it down to the wood. FWOOM! A huge fireball shot up and Peter fell into the fire pit.

"AAAAAGGGHHH!" He screamed, "Ouch that's hot. Oh jeez,"

He rolled out while in torturing pain. His body was burned and blistered, and he started to go crazy, from the great pain and the alcohol deprivation. He frantically wiggled and squirmed. Without thinking and for no reason, he took a big bite out of his arm.

"AAAAAGGGHHH!" He screamed again, "That's so good!" Peter was so crazy that he was turning into a cannibal. He gnawed away at his arm, to satisfy his crazed need for flesh.

"I…NEED…MORE…" He stuttered with a zombie-like voice.

Meanwhile, the rest of the Griffins were still making supper and didn't even notice Peter's little happening. But soon they would all be running from the sadistic cannibal.

"Meg, would you go dump this grease somewhere in the bushes?" Lois asked.

"Sure thing Mom," She said. Meg grabbed the container of grease and made her way over towards the bushes by the fire pit.

"Hmm, I wonder where Dad went," She mumbled to her self. Meg stopped right by the fire pit, looking around for Peter. Little did she know, he was lurking around in the bushes waiting to shove her in the fire.

"AAAAAAAAAA!" Meg screamed as Peter jumped out and pushed her into the flames.

It was only a matter of minutes before Peter finished her off. Not even bothering to wipe his mouth from the gore, he staggered over to feast on the rest of the family.

"Hmm, I wonder where Meg is, she should be back by now," Lois said worriedly as she looked around for Meg, "Well she hasn't called for help. She's probably fine." Just as she turned back to start cooking again, Peter crept behind her and knocked her out cold with a frying pan. Peter finished her even faster than Meg, because he had kitchen utensils at his advantage this time. He stood up and looked around for the remaining family members. Nobody was in sight, so he started lurking towards the tents. He spotted a big fat shadow, and concluded that Chris must be in there. He carefully snuck up to it, and jumped right in. The blood stained the sides of the tent and started to soak through the outside. Peter had to work on Chris for a while to get through all the fat. Stewie heard the commotion from his tent, and started to make his way over. Peter climbed out of blood splattered tent and started his search for his next victim. Stewie caught a glimpse of the crazed Peter, and gasped.

"Good god, the fat man just at Chris!" Stewie quickly hid behind the nearest tree. He had to think quickly to outwit his cannibalistic father. If he could get around Peter to the kitchen utensils, he might be able to fend Peter off with a butcher knife. Stewie picked up a rock and threw it away from the area where he needed to go.

"What was that?" Peter shouted. He turned around, scoping everything in the area. Once he had his back turned, Stewie scurried away to get a knife. He succeeded, but Peter heard him clanking the utensils around. Stewie grabbed the biggest knife he could handle and got into a ready position.

"Bring it on, fat man, let's see what you got," Stewie yelled, swinging the knife around, showing off his swordsman skills.

"Mmmm…A nice little desert to end my meal," Peter stated dazedly. He lunged towards Stewie but Stewie quickly dodged and hacked at Peter's knees.

"Aauugg!" Peter yelped, grabbing his slashed knee. He tried lunging once more but got cut even worse. They battled for a while before Peter was getting weakened by the sharp blade. At last, when Peter was almost finished, Stewie went in for the kill.

"HEEYAAAA!" He bellowed as he jumped straight towards Peter's chest and stabbed him in the heart.

"OOUUHHEETTHHAAFFIIWWAADDOO!" Peter gurgled as he fell to the ground. Stewie triumphantly wiped the knife of the blood, and dropped it to the ground.

"Serves the fat man right, trying to eat me," He said. He didn't want to kill him, but he had to in order to save his life. Stewie also know by the deathly quiet sound in the forest, that Peter had eaten Meg and Lois too.

"Oh darn it; I was looking forward to being part of Lois's death. Ah well, at least I don't have to put up with that vile woman anymore," Stewie declared. And with that said, he packed his valuables, and set off to hitchhike home after a cannibalistic camping trip.


End file.
